Jan 28, 2006 ...My Wall

One of my oldest write-ups that I imported from another forum:

As of lately, I seem so engrossed reading friends' poems, leaving comments, reading and answering mails (love them all) and screening and reposting bulletins.

As to reposting bulletins, sometimes I found out there are so much time wasted engaging in nonsense bulletins when there are so much more important things to disseminate that will benefit us all.

At one time, I went on to someone's website that made mention about what we are posting on the internet. It further warned that we really should be very careful what we are posting, as some cyber predators are out there going data pilferaging and splash it across the tabloids. Being taken in the wrong context, our postings are being magnified and misinterpreted .. and that can stir up disharmony. So I thought gee... that was helpful. I mean the warning!

Sometime ago, as I was new to the internet and started going into the chat rooms ... there I met all kinds of people with diverse personalities. You would not even imagine a wall like this screen or monitor can cause you heartaches the way people in the room typed in their conversation ... whether it is addressed to you or to me, ie.. if you happen to be in that same room with me.

It is funny to think how powerful words can be. One nasty word you read on the screen can be so demeaning, demoralizing and whatever way you analyze it. I wasn't prepared for that. I thought with all my might that all who go into the room are civil people being in what I called living in the most civil and advanced society than us. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

It is even funnier when the one who does it is a female counterpart. Utterly disgusting... but... don't start telling me it's my fault and that I should not go there in the first place. You are right. Maybe I went to the wrong room. Foul number 1.

I went to Washington Post Room. Someone was told to check on me; maybe I was a spy! Politely though, I was told to leave especially because my profile said I am female and I live in Australia. Fair enough... I just slipped out of the room quietly. At that time, the blokes were busy pounding George W Bush head regarding the Iraqi War issue. Foul number 2.

I decided to go surfing until I bumped into the UK room... Ooppsss, nothing better there either. The microphone was blasting with swearings, both male and female, typical of the English madcows...pardon me Your Royal Highness and no offense meant for all my English friends... as I have lots of adorable bunch of them....

There were lots of banterings between the children of Israel too. Say, Americans versus British versus Canadians. haha... amusing... Glad I did not find one single soul of Australian who joined in the lambasting session. Except me in the background, musing over their arguments mainly based on jealousy over someone's power and wealth and what else; calling each other brats amongst other things. I was almost tempted to be the referee or maybe the moderator. So I was tickled pink in that scenery. Foul number 3.

I went farther to European rooms: Italy.. I know boun giorno; France, I got au revoir et c'est la vie!, Germany... mein deutsch ist kaput,... Denmark, Sweden, Spain... all over the net. Foul number 4. Why? I was not welcome there. I wish I can speak their language.

Just remember as I am writing this, I am in the confine of my four walls... they are all blank. The wall in front of me continuously stares at me. It reads my mind. It says my mind is disorganized and disoriented.

Truly because I wanted to do things in the order of its perspective... wanted to write a poem and compose a song... but I seem to be lacking of motivation at this stage.. My emotion is swinging like a pendulum.. my feelings high and dry. My vision is blurred.. the horizon is looking bleak... when the clouds are drifting by on a clear sunny day. I can see it from my window.

"I often sit and wish that I, could be a kite up in the sky. And ride upon the breeze I go; whatever way is change to blue". That is wishful thinking. This is a poem I learned when I was in the Primary.

Back to my wall... actually she is my only sole companion in time of my solitude. In time of my loneliness, in time of my happiness, in time I feel inspired, in time just like what Ecclesiastes ascribed except I never contemplated to killing anyone.

My wall has no mirror. So I can't ask, "who is the fairest of them all"! It is empty. No picture hanging in there... it is all plain like Sahara Desert. Could it mean, it is dusty? It is impossible to be sandy as we are far from the beach for the sand to get there.

Ah, my wall, my solace and my place of refuge..

Rewritten From The Original Manuscript
@LCD/myspace.com as of October 9, 2005
~Friendship, Love and Prayers .... thematic in theory, are they put into action?~